Hahaha.... 02/01/11-13/03/11.. My god... the experience of my life...
When I received the letter... My heart shattered like glass...
(PLKN Siri 8 Kump. 1)
Hey, why me? Why not the others?
I felt so sad upon that statement letter that seemed so real and blur at the same time
Yet, I felt nothing on the day my dad, mom, and bro sent me to the camp...How come? I don't know why? Maybe it's just psychological which I can't explain...
Upon arrival...It was 8 p.m.
-Ate dinner
-Registered (Kompeni Delta/Dorm 4/Katil 26)
-Took the necessities (for bed)
-Slept
Indeed my back hurts from the travels I made....1 hr bus travel->2 and 1/2 hours flight->3 hours bus travel to camp
I slept like a baby.
Next day took clothes from Logistik. Hurt my hands badly cause they're heavy+no proper box to fill them in. Not a sign of training.
KL friends... Not bad
Then it occured to me that the camp was cold, as it is situated near banjaran trus madi. Coughed until the last week of it since that day.
08/01/11, Saturday-Love at first sight
To be honest...b4 she approached me... I tot she was the most beautiful amongst the girls... That day was KKJ(Kontrak Kita Janji) Then, she asked for my number...Strangely, I fell for her...I really fell for her... She was very cute... slightly shorter than me...Helen Chong Jin Fong, the name I'll never forget...
Bleep test...I ran 10 stages and 4 mini's...She gave me strength to do it...
She ran 5 and 7... hahaha...
She supported my auditions...Jia you! Tong hua! Kan zhe wo chang ge!
We looked at each other while we ate at Dewan Makan....it was far...She made faces while i'm short sighted... Can't see very well... Was very cute with her tongue stuck out... Sometimes a 'peace' sign...
Then, when my auditions fail...She rarely looks at me anymore...I asked her why she ignored me...She said it was nothing...
Slowly...we got apart...I tried very hard to approach her but she doesn't care...
She said she has a boyfriend, named Liew.
My very first trial to give a poem to a girl on Valentine's (monday)...My Sabahan friends name my valentine "Halentine"
That wednesday, at a Buddha class... I see her close to the guy named Liew Kai Hiung..."Ah xiong, wo ai ni"..My heart broke to pieces...She even scribbled on the poem i gave her
But then, he wasn't her bf, but one that exists out of the camp...
Then, I ignored her...
It seemed like our love story had ended since... she then tries to have me back as her friend... I felt that I don't trust her that much anymore...I critisized every thing she does...Disappointing her each time...
But, I didn't mean to do so...It is my nature that my words are stuck at critical moments...
12/03/11-
Majlis perpisahan...The one thing I hoped was to go out that camp...
I was wrong.
She asked me to have a picture taken with her...I posed like a bad ass boy because I'd gave up on her... She asked me to retake the photo as it was ugly... It didn't happen that night... I hoped that the next day we'll have some better pictures...
That, happened...
I had gave up on her...I really did...I didn't want any more memories...all I want is to head home...
I asked her to take a picture with me...That changed the whole course...
After the photo session, I had to leave for KL
Her smiling face saddened
I tot she was just sad that people had to leave the camp
With friends encouraging me... I hugged her goodbye...The first and yet, the last as well (I'm not sure abt that tho...)
After I hugged her... She cried... looking at me...
Why? Why like that? Does she still love me?
I was speechless... I had loved the girl and my love for her had a reply from her
As I walked... She looks at me again...Crying...
My trip to KL made her sad? Is it the fact that we wouldn't meet again?
Those questions, I want their answers too...
I will miss the girl...with all her smiles....her annoyance...her beautiful looks...Tamparuli girl, would you wait for me someday? Or will u be a possession for the other guy? I love you.
My sis and I =)
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
R.I.P.
Haiz....today kept crying....Had loved her so much....I hope she's at a better state now...
Yesterday was the first time I'd fed her.....yet she does not have the strength to even eat the food when I place it beside her mouth...
I was so happy when...when I called her name....Daisy.....She wags her tail for me...A very weak wag...
Really sad that she'd died...yet there's nothing else I can do.....too old already...
Haiz....21st December 2010...To the best dog in the world...I love you and will miss you always
Yesterday was the first time I'd fed her.....yet she does not have the strength to even eat the food when I place it beside her mouth...
I was so happy when...when I called her name....Daisy.....She wags her tail for me...A very weak wag...
Really sad that she'd died...yet there's nothing else I can do.....too old already...
Haiz....21st December 2010...To the best dog in the world...I love you and will miss you always
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Relationships
晓来谁染霜林醉？总是离人泪。对，离别真的是双方面的一个痛苦，但是却无法抵挡。人已在你的面前，为什么你不会去珍惜？人，总是失去了以后才会珍惜。我的故事却与众不同，是我决定要与他绝交的，但同时又赞同珍稀眼前人的那种看法。我那决定并非一天做出来的，而是一日一日逐渐累积起来的一种仇恨。那仇恨，仿佛快要吃掉我的心灵之中对他美丽的映像。一天又一天，我看到了一只‘穿着绵羊皮的恶狼’。他对我得不好，总是沉淀在我的脑海底里，看他对我多年的感情份上，我总是怀着我那不愉快的心情过生活。我的感受一直被忽略，他对别人比对我好。在人家面前可以哈哈大笑，这样我的存在被忽略了。我并没有责怪他的冷淡，但是我忍无可忍的事实是在于我已经没有那个可以捉住它的心的那个’把柄‘。我连做个朋友都那么的失败吗？想了许久，我发现错根本不在我的身上，而是他的身上。他不珍惜这个十年与他共同度过童年的知己。已有许多次发生了不愉快的事，但他的理由，我一次又一次地相信。“朋友做久了难免会放肆一些“，“我会偶尔对你不好，因为家庭出了很多问题，令我心情不好“。这些是理由吗？我也有很多问题，烦得很，但我对你的支持，总是一尘不变。感觉上，我是个白痴，浪费那么多时间与你在一起。同时，我对你的好已成了一种习惯。我不知道怎样才好。有一天，我终于决定把我自己出入’地狱‘，送他短讯要与他绝交。我那天晚上没睡觉，不是因为我做出了那个决定，而是他没有对我的要求做出回答。我感觉上真的是放弃了他。十年，我的十年去了哪里？那问题我自己也无法回答，去问他吧。
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Boomerang
Just like a boomerang in your hand
I lie on your hand so willingly, but you throw me away into the air where you cannot see me
As soon as you threw the boomerang away, it came back as swiftly as it disappeared
It is because I am loyal, I am faithful
But you threw me away again and again
Until I am stuck on a big tree, felt so lost and insecure, yet felt betrayed...
I lie on your hand so willingly, but you throw me away into the air where you cannot see me
As soon as you threw the boomerang away, it came back as swiftly as it disappeared
It is because I am loyal, I am faithful
But you threw me away again and again
Until I am stuck on a big tree, felt so lost and insecure, yet felt betrayed...
Friday, September 3, 2010
Definitions Day
morbid-
1.a. Of, relating to, or caused by disease; pathological or diseased.
b. Psychologically unhealthy or unwholesome: "He suffered much from a morbid acuteness of the senses" (Edgar Allan Poe).
2. Characterized by preoccupation with unwholesome thoughts or feelings: read the account of the murder with a morbid interest.
3. Gruesome; grisly.
imbecile-
1. A stupid or silly person; a dolt.
2. A person whose mental acumen is well below par.
3. A person of moderate to severe mental retardation having a mental age of from three to seven years and generally being capable of some degree of communication and performance of simple tasks under supervision. The term belongs to a classification system no longer in use and is now considered offensive.
Jaundice-
Yellow staining of the skin and sclerae (the whites of the eyes) by abnormally high blood levels of the bile pigment bilirubin. The yellowing extends to other tissues and body fluids. Jaundice was once called the "morbus regius" (the regal disease) in the belief that only the touch of a king could cure it.
When red blood cells are removed from the bloodstream, hemoglobin, the molecule in red cells that carries oxygen, is broken down into bilirubin. The bilirubin is carried to the liver and excreted into the intestine as a component of bile.
Jaundice can indicate liver or gallbladder disease. When the excretion of bilirubin is hindered, excess bilirubin passes into the blood, resulting in jaundice. Inflammation or other abnormalities of liver cells hinder the excretion of bilirubin into bile. Or the bile ducts outside the liver may be blocked by a gallstone or a tumor. Jaundice can also result from the excessive breakdown of red blood cells (a process called haemolysis) and too much bilirubin is released into the bloodstream. This occurs typically in the hemolytic anemias (as opposed to the aplastic anemias in which not enough red cells are produced). Jaundice is common in newborns because there is some haemolysis during labor and delivery and the newborn's liver is immature and may not be fully up to the task of handling the bilirubin for a few days. In Gilbert syndrome, the blood bilirubin levels are slightly increased, enough to cause mild jaundice. This genetic condition is usually discovered serendipitously during routine screening tests of liver function. It causes no symptoms and no problems.
The figurative use of "jaundice" in "to view things with a jaundiced eye" refers to an attitude of distaste. This may reflect the distaste with which a jaundiced person views food, since severe jaundice typically brings loss of appetite and feelings nausea. "Jaundice" is often said to have come from the French "jaune" for yellow. This is incorrect. The word "jaundice" stemmed from the Latin "galbinus" which described a light greenish-yellow color. In Old French this became "jaunisse" and, in crossing the English Channel, it became "jaundice." In French "jaundice" is still "jaunisse."
The term icterus is synonymous with jaundice. A person who is icteric is jaundiced. Abnormally high blood bilirubin is termed hyperbilirubinemia.
1.a. Of, relating to, or caused by disease; pathological or diseased.
b. Psychologically unhealthy or unwholesome: "He suffered much from a morbid acuteness of the senses" (Edgar Allan Poe).
2. Characterized by preoccupation with unwholesome thoughts or feelings: read the account of the murder with a morbid interest.
3. Gruesome; grisly.
imbecile-
1. A stupid or silly person; a dolt.
2. A person whose mental acumen is well below par.
3. A person of moderate to severe mental retardation having a mental age of from three to seven years and generally being capable of some degree of communication and performance of simple tasks under supervision. The term belongs to a classification system no longer in use and is now considered offensive.
Jaundice-
Yellow staining of the skin and sclerae (the whites of the eyes) by abnormally high blood levels of the bile pigment bilirubin. The yellowing extends to other tissues and body fluids. Jaundice was once called the "morbus regius" (the regal disease) in the belief that only the touch of a king could cure it.
When red blood cells are removed from the bloodstream, hemoglobin, the molecule in red cells that carries oxygen, is broken down into bilirubin. The bilirubin is carried to the liver and excreted into the intestine as a component of bile.
Jaundice can indicate liver or gallbladder disease. When the excretion of bilirubin is hindered, excess bilirubin passes into the blood, resulting in jaundice. Inflammation or other abnormalities of liver cells hinder the excretion of bilirubin into bile. Or the bile ducts outside the liver may be blocked by a gallstone or a tumor. Jaundice can also result from the excessive breakdown of red blood cells (a process called haemolysis) and too much bilirubin is released into the bloodstream. This occurs typically in the hemolytic anemias (as opposed to the aplastic anemias in which not enough red cells are produced). Jaundice is common in newborns because there is some haemolysis during labor and delivery and the newborn's liver is immature and may not be fully up to the task of handling the bilirubin for a few days. In Gilbert syndrome, the blood bilirubin levels are slightly increased, enough to cause mild jaundice. This genetic condition is usually discovered serendipitously during routine screening tests of liver function. It causes no symptoms and no problems.
The figurative use of "jaundice" in "to view things with a jaundiced eye" refers to an attitude of distaste. This may reflect the distaste with which a jaundiced person views food, since severe jaundice typically brings loss of appetite and feelings nausea. "Jaundice" is often said to have come from the French "jaune" for yellow. This is incorrect. The word "jaundice" stemmed from the Latin "galbinus" which described a light greenish-yellow color. In Old French this became "jaunisse" and, in crossing the English Channel, it became "jaundice." In French "jaundice" is still "jaunisse."
The term icterus is synonymous with jaundice. A person who is icteric is jaundiced. Abnormally high blood bilirubin is termed hyperbilirubinemia.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The Act
Once, there were 2 people, one male one female...They had been best friends for long, and that had made 1 of them feel that this isn't just a normal friend-friend relationship and it could've been more than that...
It was the female who has actually made that step...she feels she could've brought this friendship into another level. And so she asked him:"who do you like? "
The guy doesn't actually know that she loves him that time, but he also has a tiny bit of affection towards her as well...But he didn't have the guts to actually spill what's inside his heart, as he feels that he just has a crush, no more than that.
He replied:"Your best friend, _ _ _."
She replied okay, and then went away. The guy didn't know what it meant, but just ignored that.
Upon a longer time spent together, the guy felt that he actually likes her, but there was a matter in which he had angered her, and she wouldn't forgive him at that moment...
Because of family issues, one had to actually move far away from town and had to leave the other...The guy had actually said sorry to the girl, but it doesn't suffice to be a reason for her to forget and forgive...Therefore, this love had been left buried just like that...XD
It was the female who has actually made that step...she feels she could've brought this friendship into another level. And so she asked him:"who do you like? "
The guy doesn't actually know that she loves him that time, but he also has a tiny bit of affection towards her as well...But he didn't have the guts to actually spill what's inside his heart, as he feels that he just has a crush, no more than that.
He replied:"Your best friend, _ _ _."
She replied okay, and then went away. The guy didn't know what it meant, but just ignored that.
Upon a longer time spent together, the guy felt that he actually likes her, but there was a matter in which he had angered her, and she wouldn't forgive him at that moment...
Because of family issues, one had to actually move far away from town and had to leave the other...The guy had actually said sorry to the girl, but it doesn't suffice to be a reason for her to forget and forgive...Therefore, this love had been left buried just like that...XD
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